Lost in Georgia

Boy howdy!  What is it about this time of year that you have absolutely NO time to do anything, even when you don’t have a JOB!  LOL!  Between shopping, wrapping, baking, cleaning (yes, I am still doing that!), and visiting family, I haven’t had time for shit.  I can’t remember when I last posted or read your blogs.  So, this morning, before the whirlwind starts, I thought I would play catch up.

Two Saturdays ago, the fireman, the boys, and I headed down south, well to North Florida, to a good ole fashioned redneck Christmas.  My dad is from a small town there and grew up one of 11 children.  They were some broke ass people, ummm kay???

Out of those 11 children, his parents are gone, and including my dad there are nine children left.  They are spread out around North Florida and South Georgia.  Now, being as poor as they were…………lets just say, for some of them, dental hygeine was not a top priority.  Shall I give you the names of these children????  Try these out- Annie Lou, Rether, Mary, Margaret, Muriel, Herjo, Daniel, George, and Pat.  Some not so bad, others……..?

All in all it was a nice time.  It was good to catch up with the “OK” ones, and good to run from the others.  You get my drift?  It was held at “the old home place”.  That is the land these children grew up on.  The old house is gone, but the oldest child, Aunt Annie Lou, now has a single wide mobile home on it.  But, all the old barns and storage sheds still stand.  Go figure, a barn out lasted a house.

The best part, THE BEST PART, was when the fireman was accosted by snaggle toothed, half-blind, Aunt Rether.  Oh yes.  The fireman is what we call down here “metrosexual”, pretty freaking hot if I do say so myself.  I had wandered off and she snuck up on him.  He is almost 6′, she is barely 5′.  She places both hands on his hips and looks up at him with that nasty ass smile and says, “All I need now is some mistle toe”.

Poor baby!  Sissy spotted this from across the yard and made a beeline for the fireman!  Whew!  It was a close one.  Needless to say, the fireman picked out a fuckin-A Christmas present for Sissy in return for her saving his ass!

Be back soon!

Love,

J————————-

Hi guys! Hope you all had a great weekend. We had a full on redneck family Christmas get together this weekend that I have to tell you all about. It’s been crazy getting the tree done and all my decorating finished. Tune in for the great tales by Wednesday!
Jen

My sister is my BFF.  When funny shit happens to either one of us, it is an event!  Follows is a tale of sissy’s woeful encounter with the Dead Sea Salt Devil at the mall yesterday.  (Just for some background, sissy is a divorced mother of one, a smidge over weight, just broke up with a douchebag, in other words- a target for the DEVIL!)

Sissy is walking the mall, on the hunt for the perfect Christmas gifts for my little family of four.  She has rang me a bazillion times asking about sizes, and “what about this”, does the firemand want that, etc…..

Sissy calls for the umpteenth time, “OMG, I just totally got swindled by an Israeli GOD of Beauty!!!”

“What?????? What do you mean?  Who swindled you?  I shall come forth and kick their ASS! No one messes with my sissy”

“Oh girl, I was trotting along on my way to Sears, home of the cheap toys, when I came upon the kiosk of Satan. He was studing me from afar.  I could tell.  I tried not to make eye contact.  I really, really did.  He was just….. Beautiful.”

“Oh sissy, you didn’t………..”

“Yes, Gigi, I did.  He asked my name, and, and , and I TOLD him!”

“Shit!”

“Yes, Gigi.  He took ADVANTAGE OF ME!  He asked where my husband was.  I told him I was divorced.  He said OH NO, you much too beautiful to be alone.  Gigi, by this time I started sweating.  He asked me if I was too hot.  HE TOOK A KLEENEX AND DABBED THE SWEAT OFF MY FOREHEAD!”

“OH NO!!!!!!  It was over then wasn’t it sissy?  How much dead seas salt shit did you buy?”

“I don’t want to tell you………….but, he kissed me on the cheek, too.   Oh GOD, he was beautiful.  I am such a loser………..”

“HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA!  OMG!   I LOVE YOU!  So, am I getting the dead sea salt scrub for Christmas, sissy?”

“Fuck yes, in the pink gift bag, but I did get some free shit too.  I was swindled by the Sea Salt Devil for $100.”

“Must have been a hell of a kiss, sissy.”

“It was.  I can’t face him again.  I walked all the way through Sears, out around the whole mall just to get back to my car so I wouldn’t have to face him again.  Fucker!”

God, I love her.

Well, Fireman fried the turkey.  I made the casseroles.  Nana made the turnips.  Sissy brought the dressing.  There were pecan pies, sweet potatoes, wine, bread, people everywhere.  But………I forgot the gravy.  (Sorry pirate friend!) 

Hope you guys had a great day.  It’s nap time around here.  It’s that THC (LOL!) or whatever that shit is in the turkey.

Talk to ya tomorrow.

Peace and Turkey grease.

J—————-

So, today was the crappiest day ever.

First, I went to set up my surgery.   I found out my portion of payment is $1500.00.  I have that in my expected tax refund.  But, being jobless….. I can not justify making a new debt.  I will have the cash with my income tax refund.  However, what if I don’t get recalled to my job?  What if I don’t get a new job by then?  I will need that money in savings for my family.   I need to put my family first, right? My cooter is crying, as am I………………

I also have REALLY HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE.  It was 174 over 111.  That should be my priority.  I need to be here for my boys, and the fireman.  I need to go on meds and take care of my self.  The surgery is elective, and I must elect NO.  That blows chunks.  My poor poo nanner.

Tell me I am making the right decision.  Please.  

I need some support………………….

Love you guys, who at least read.

Love and smootches.

J____________

Hi guys!  It sure has been a busy few days.  Good news here in the deep south.  I was offered a job Tuesday.  Yeah………um not so much.  The pay blew chunks!  I turned it down.  I can make more sitting home on the unemployment than I could working.  So, I just couldn’t do it.  I was disappointed.  On the one hand, I thank the good Lord for the offer, but on the other- gonna have to pass on this one Lord Jesus.

I am also setting up my surgery.  It’s called endometrial ablation (spelling, anyone, anyone???).  They go in and burn the lining of your uterus so you NEVER HAVE A PERIOD AGAIN.  Sweet Lord, the inventor of that shit needs the Nobel Peace Prize.  My insurance benefits are good until the end of the year so…sign me the fuck up!  Word.  Go in peace Aunt Flo, nice knowing ya!

The bad news….I have the snots.  “Do you have cough due to cold, Jenny?”.  Why yes, Forest I do.  And it sucks.  My oldest had it last week, it is now Momma’s turn.  Can anyone say bleach?  My house smells like a fucking hospital.  I am trying to keep the fireman and the lil man from getting it.

I have also decided to host Thanksgiving at my house.  (Yes, friends, I have lost my mind-along with my job, LOL!)  We always go to my grandmother’s, but my grandfather has been placed in the nursing home for rehab from back surgery.  Me, being of the NON-working folks figured what the hell?  We are going to fry the turkey with all the fixings.  Those of you that have never tasted the heaven known as the fried turkey don’t know what you are missing.  It’s the only way to go.  So, as if I haven’t cleaned enough, will clean some more, bleach some more, and cook some good ole’ turnip greens and have a Big Redneck Thanksgiving.

Have a great weekend folks.  Gotta run.  It’s Friday and the beer and Goldschlager shots are calling my name.  Maybe that’ll knock this cold on outta here…………….

I awoke at 8 and had my mind set to FINALLY tackle my 8 year old son’s bedroom.  As he was gone to school, I figured this would be a great time to trash stuff he has forgotten he even owns.

Question of the day- “How many motorcycle Batman figurines does one child need?”

Apparently FIVE.  No shit!  How does that happen?  I took to the dump (yes we still have those here in the country) five huge bags of crap.  Go momma!

Luckily, the 12 year old doesn’t have nearly as much to go through.  Is that good or bad?  Poor kid.

Happy hump day peeps.  The afternoon delights are a huge bonus to this unemployment.

Word!

1. Who was the last person to call you baby?
My hot firefighter

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
Yep, I am anal like that.

3. Are You Single, or taken?
Well, we married in June of 94, divorced in February of 06, and moved back in together in April of 06.  What does that make me???? Engaged???  Hell if I know.

4. Has someone ever sang a song to you?
My babies……I miss those days.

5. Do you play Sudoku?
NOPE, I suck at that shit.

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness would you survive?
If there was a cabin

(Where the hell is 7-17?  Retards!)

18. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you would do?
Holler for hunny to save our asses, that’s what he does and he better fucking do it well.  Nuff said!

19. Who was the last person you shared a bed with?
The firefighter

20. Who do you text the most? My sissy

21. Who last said they loved you?  Allen and my boys

22. What color are your eyes?
Green, unless I am pissed, then fire shoots out of them.

23. How tall are you?
Shorty McShort Short, 5′1

(WTF?? 24, anyone, anyone??)
25. Do you like your parents?
I LOVE them, like them???? Depends on the day.

26. Do you secretly like someone?
Hell no, I can’t keep a secret for shit.

27. Why did your last relationship end? That’ll be a post in the future………..

28. Who was the last person you said you loved on the phone?
My momma, today was her lucky day.

29. Favorite ex?
uh, is that a real question????? 

30. Where was the furthest place you traveled? Which is farther from Georgia?  Canada or California?

32. Do you like mustard?
yep

33. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
Have you seen me?  LOL.  I do too much of both.

34. Do you look like your mom or dad?
My mother, but I have my dad’s personality.
35. How long does it take you in the shower?
10 mins, unless………..

36. Can you do splits?  I could once, like 20 years ago.  Fuck I’m old.
 

37. What movie do you want to see right now? Twilight, bitches.  Be there or be square.
 

(Who the hell made this quiz??? 38???)

39. What did you do for New Year’s Eve?
Went to a couple of parties with the boys.  Firefighter was busy savin lives cause that’s how he rolls.
40. Do you think The Grudge was crappy?
Not the first one.

(41 and 42, Freddie’s coming for you!)
43. Was your mom a cheerleader?
No, she was a hippy!
 

(44, better lock the door!)
45. What’s the last letter of your middle name?
N

(46, better grab a crucifix)
47.How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
well, now that I have NO JOB, I sleep alot, lady of leisure that I am.
48.Do you like Care Bears?
Why?  Do they CARE?

49. What do you buy at the movies?
Popcorn, I buy a soda and candy at the Walgreen’s next door and sneak it in my purse

50. Do you know how to play poker?
nope

51. Do you wear your seatbelt?
Always, if you don’t you are stupid!
52. What do you wear to sleep?
Depends if I plan on actually sleeping or not.

53. Anything big ever happen in your town?
I live in Title Town, hell yeah shit happens here.

54. Is your hair straight or curly? Curly sue!

55. Is your tongue pierced?
Hell NO, I get by just fine without it, ummm kay?

56. Do you like Liver and Onions?
omg, brb going to throw up!

(57?  I have no words)
58. Do you like funny or serious people better?
Funny, someone else to make me laugh besides myself

59. Ever been to L.A.?  Yep

60. Who is on your mind right now?
You guys, letting you see a little bit aboout me.

61. Any plans for tonight?
Beauty school.  We are learning facials.
62. What’s your favorite song at the moment?
Sitting at a Bar by Rehab.  I know it’s old, but damn….. I love beer.

63. Do you hate chocolate?
have you seen my ass?????

64. What do you and your parents fight about the most?
Nothing, I am a grown up.  Well, sometimes I am.
65. Are you a gullible person? Hell no, I can spot a shit talker from 40 paces.

66. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy?
Nope, I tickle myself.
67. If you could have any job what would it be?
Hair Stylist, or the president.  I would ROCK at that shit.

68. Are you easy to get along with?
If it’s not period week, ya feel me?

69. What is your favorite time of day?
Happy hour

70. Are you a generally happy person?
 Yes, usually so.  Are you?

Well, I did it.  I made the trek to the unemployment office for the first time in my life.  I expected rudeness, degredation, in general, bullshit.  Suprisingly, it wasn’t so bad.  The amount they are giving me is only about $70 less a week that I got paid and I will get it for five months.  Shit, that is a long ass paid vacation. Woot-woot!

So begins my house cleaning.  I figure I will take a room, or closet, drawer or something each day.  But, you can only clean so much, right??  Thank God I have class every night.  Doing hair is gonna keep me sane, I hope.

I appreciate all the comments you guys have left me so far.  You are helping me to stay positive.  Once I get used to this new way of life, you will all see my true colors  come out.  I AM FUNNY AS SHIT.  Cackles to come!

Peace out you!  Happy Tuesday

J———

PS If any body can hook this bitch up with some kind of layout and blogroll and all the good stuff-Holla!

Hi guys.  Let me introduce myself.  My name is Jennifer and I am from the deep south.  Have you ever heard of “Title Town”?  For those of you unfamiliar with football, are you living under a fucking rock?????  LOL.

I am 34, I have a hot firefighter for a husband, a 12 year old, Austen, and and an 8 year old, Cam.  I have lurked for years on your blogs and on the internet forever.  I hope now you will lurk on mine.

I have come to you at a time in my life where I could use you.  My very good friend, Elle the Pirate (WORD), has encouraged me to start a blog to get my feelings out, and sweet baby Jesus, I need to get them out now.

I lost my job this week.  I have worked since I was 16 years old.  I began working at Winn Dixie bagging groceries for old coots and finished my working career this week at Jacuzzi.  I am sure you have heard of it, fucking bubble bitches.

The economy has sucked in my soul as it has so many others.  What am I to do now?

I am a student, at night, taking cosmetology.  Need a haircut? HOLLA!  But, what is a Georgia girl to do?  One can only cook and clean so much.  I feel empty and without purpose…………….

My intention is to write here every day and call on people I don’t even fucking know for support.  (How fucked up is that?)  But, all of you out there, I have read your hardships and stories for the last three years.  Now, I hope hope you will read mine.  I have prayed for you, hoped for you, thought of you…….maybe you will return the favor.

If nothing ever comes of this but prayers from afar, I feel I will be blessed more than I am at this moment.

Thanks Elle, for giving me the jump start I needed, and thank YOU, for praying for me and being my new friend.

J_____